Word In, Word Out {Bitterness of Soul}

In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord. 

I've been bitter in my soul and I've met bitter people. Sure, I may have hid it well. I may have hidden it so well that even I didn't recognize the bitterness sitting within me, holding me back.

I've choked back words that have threatened to bubble over full of contempt, spite and anger. I've cried angry tears and ranted and raved in the solitude of my home.

In the darkest moment of great despair, Hannah wept much. She had real, raw emotions and she expressed them. She may have stomped her feet, clenched her fists and shuddered an ugly cry.

Then she prayed to the Lord. 

What about me? When my soul is bitter, what do I do? Do I sit in the bitterness letting it fester? Take it to other people looking for sympathy and commiseration?

Hannah teaches me to feel deeply but then to take my feelings and turn them to the Lord. To be able to say like she does later in the passage, "I was pouring my soul out to the Lord.... I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."

Word In, Word Out {Made It Through Leviticus!}

Read about my Word In, Word Out project

It seems ironic that the week I decided to start partnering blogging with reading through the Bible I hit Leviticus. Not only did I hit Leviticus, but I hit mostly chapters containing rules on boils, itching, baldness (Lev 13, check it out) and mold. Yikes!

Happily I made it through and not only made it through but I'm on track with the daily readings. (Pause for cheering.) Yay! Seriously, if there was any goal I was going to keep, I'm glad it's this one.

I mentioned before that I'm keeping a notebook just for when I'm doing my daily reading to jot down verses, ideas and questions that jump out at me.

Deuteronomy 2:7 was a verse that really struck me and less than a week later the speaker at the CCCA conference shared it. Repetition of scripture has been one of the major ways God has used the Bible to speak to me so you better believe I'm listening! This is my current memory verse, might it be a good one for you to memorize, too? Let me know if you do, we can help each other!

What a comfort to know that God is blessing what I'm doing. He's watched as I've traveled some difficult paths and roads and has been with me. I truly haven't lacked in anything.

Since this verse has been so heavy on my heart I shared it with my interns at a staff meeting. It struck me that if this verse is true (which I believe it is) then it was true one month ago and will be true 5 years from now. If God is saying that you have not lacked anything and this verse will be true in the future then I'm not lacking anything RIGHT NOW, regardless of what I may feel.

Amen, amen, amen!

The Word In, Word Out Project

One of my goals in 2014 is to read through the Bible. Although I was raised in a Christian home and work for a ministry it's something I've never actually done and I found myself embarrassed to admit that. I believe in the life-changing power of God's words so why wouldn't I have read them? How could I encourage and exhort others to read their Bibles if I hadn't done it?

The real kicker to my guilt trip was when I finished counting the books I'd read in 2013 and realized it was 103. I'm pretty sure that if I stacked those books up they would be a whole lot bigger than a Bible.

After some digging I dusted off a chronological one-year Bible from high school that I'd started and committed. I haven't necessarily read every day but sitting here at the beginning of March I'm pretty excited to say that I'm all caught up with my reading plan!

Here are a few things I've done to help myself be successful:

1) Invite others to join in. My husband and one of the interns I supervise are also reading through the Bible this year. Accountability is huge!

2) Make it pretty. This is the most frivolous thing but I bought a brightly colored Bible case and special notebook just for the Bible I'm using. It makes it more noticeable and since I have a weird and undying passion for school supplies makes me more excited to use it.

3) Build a routine. Morning person is not a word you'd use to describe me so I do my reading mostly before I go to bed at night. That means my Bible (with case and notebook) sits on my nightstand and I develop a pattern.

4) Apply! The notebook that I've kept for this Bible is just for these readings, not for prayers, personal reflections, lists, or other thoughts. Those things go in my other (pretty) journal. *Sidenote: This is a great excuse to buy more than one notebook if you are a fiend like me!* I'm using colored pens to underline and star verses that stick out to me and to write out things I'm realizing. It's fun to flip back through and see what I'm learning.

The Bible to me isn't just another book for my list so I want to make sure I'm doing more than just reading it. Enter the Word In, Word Out Project. This year I'll capture some of the highlights from my reading that have stood out to me. It might be a verse, lesson, story or simple pondering that I've realized or something that inspired or convicted me.

As the word of God comes in to my life and heart, my prayer is that it would reflect out of me, that the God-breathed words would stir my heart, convict my soul and change my thoughts and action. I hope it does the same for you. Join me in this Word In, Word Out Project?

The God Who Comes

Today my sweet friend, Katie asked me to write a guest post for her 31 Days Blog Series on Isaiah 40. Katie has spent countless hours pouring into my life, speaking truth, asking hard questions, encouraging and loving me so it's an honor and a thrill to be a part of what God is doing in her life!

Click on over to read some of my ponderings on Isaiah 40:3.

Goodbye Sweet Summer

Sometimes I forget to enjoy June and July.

When 40 college students and 200 kids are looking to you that tends to happen.

But August and September... those are my months!

As the days get shorter and night comes quicker, as the leaves start changing and I'm more likely to grab hot chocolate than cold lemonade I try to capture those last few summer moments.

A bike trip to watch the sunset. 

Climbing the sand dunes to watch the dune buggies say goodnight.

Breakfast on the porch and quiet time by the lake.

Fresh tomatoes, peaches and summer fruit picked by hand. 

Soon it will be fall. And I will be so happy. Bring it on Pumpkin Spice Latte! (Actually, it's already been broughten. Twice.)

But for now I'll grab those last few summer rays. Thanks, summer, it's been a good one.

When My Heart Is Overwhelmed

For the first time in 2 years I rearranged my office furniture. It was time for change and a fresh outlook. My intern has been bugging me to mix it up for a while and when he walked in one day I said, "It's time. Let's go. Move that desk!"

So we pushed and pulled, measured and calculated, dug around in the basement for different cords and tables and smashed a few toes. The end result is open, larger and more welcoming. I loved it and so did everyone who stopped by.

Until a few days later when things got really hard. Directing summer camp can be a blast, full of laughter, memories, and life-changing moments. But on other days, when there are trips to the hospital, campers arguing and fighting, staff getting sick and not finishing their duties, upset parents and thing after thing after thing it can be really overwhelming and exhausting.

On those I try to say, "It's a day." Not a bad one, not a terrible one. Just a day. I try to keep my focus on the big picture, stay positive, smile through it all and lead from a full cup.

But sometimes you just gotta cry and those tears are coming, no matter what.

Confession time: I have hidden under my desk with my office lights off and door closed crying because of "one of those days". No one knew I was there and they couldn't ask me any questions. It felt desperate and like a last resort but I knew that escape was there.

And now it's gone. With my desk against the wall anyone who enters the office can see me and everything I'm doing. When it got hard and when I just wanted to hide away and cry, I suddenly realized that was no longer an option. At first I almost panicked.Where could I hide? Where could I fall apart in secret?

Then I took a deep breath. And I didn't hide. I didn't fall apart. I was brave. 

And I think I was better for it. 

I faced what was overwhelming and instead of looking to the dark space under my desk I looked to the one who really makes it OK.

source

When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. 

Psalm 61:2 

So when it's been "a day", when things are getting hard, when you're ready to hide, retreat, escape, turn to the one who who knows and loves you. He's got the whole world in his hands, He's got my world in his hands, He's got your world in his hands.

She Reads Truth

On July 13, 2012 I saw a little tweet from a college friend that said, doing a she reads truth bible study. I was curious what it was so I clicked through and found the She Reads Truth community. After investigating and clicking around for a while I tweeted back, I think I'll join you! And that's where it all began. I'm not quite celebrating my personal anniversary but am celebrating this community!

This has not been an easy year, but having God's Word as a part of my every day has made everyday not just bearable but possible, triumphant and even joyful.

When I tell people about #srt I tell them that I finally found something that works for me. The biggest part of making a change, making something happen is having a plan. Since last July, I've known what to read in my Bible and even have a checkbox to click when I do it. As a driver doer wanna get stuff done- I really like those checkboxes.

I've never done this before but I made a little vlog (By the way, the word vlog makes me squirm a little. I think it sounds gross.) to share about my SRT experiences!

It's kinda long (I kinda talk a lot) but here are the highlights...

1) I have a plan and have consistently been reading my Bible for almost a year, for the first time in my life!
2) God has given me truth from him exactly when I needed it and exactly when He needed me to share it with someone else.
3) Having God's word saturing my life has changed my daily perspectives, helped me to be more obedient and to fix my eyes upon him daily.

I've been eating my daily bread this year and I am filled to the measure of the fullness of God.

Have you been feeling dry? Struggling to spend time in God's word and feeling guilty? Pick it up, find a plan and watch to see how He will move in your heart and life. I've been there, felt that and I can tell you for sure that He's waiting.