Wednesday, July 24, 2013

When My Heart Is Overwhelmed

For the first time in 2 years I rearranged my office furniture. It was time for change and a fresh outlook. My intern has been bugging me to mix it up for a while and when he walked in one day I said, "It's time. Let's go. Move that desk!"

So we pushed and pulled, measured and calculated, dug around in the basement for different cords and tables and smashed a few toes. The end result is open, larger and more welcoming. I loved it and so did everyone who stopped by.

Until a few days later when things got really hard. Directing summer camp can be a blast, full of laughter, memories, and life-changing moments. But on other days, when there are trips to the hospital, campers arguing and fighting, staff getting sick and not finishing their duties, upset parents and thing after thing after thing it can be really overwhelming and exhausting.

On those I try to say, "It's a day." Not a bad one, not a terrible one. Just a day. I try to keep my focus on the big picture, stay positive, smile through it all and lead from a full cup.

But sometimes you just gotta cry and those tears are coming, no matter what.

Confession time: I have hidden under my desk with my office lights off and door closed crying because of "one of those days". No one knew I was there and they couldn't ask me any questions. It felt desperate and like a last resort but I knew that escape was there.

And now it's gone. With my desk against the wall anyone who enters the office can see me and everything I'm doing. When it got hard and when I just wanted to hide away and cry, I suddenly realized that was no longer an option. At first I almost panicked.Where could I hide? Where could I fall apart in secret?

Then I took a deep breath. And I didn't hide. I didn't fall apart. I was brave. 

And I think I was better for it. 

I faced what was overwhelming and instead of looking to the dark space under my desk I looked to the one who really makes it OK.


When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. 
Psalm 61:2 

So when it's been "a day", when things are getting hard, when you're ready to hide, retreat, escape, turn to the one who who knows and loves you. He's got the whole world in his hands, He's got my world in his hands, He's got your world in his hands.