Five Minute Friday: Friend

Deep and wide. Deep or wide.

I'd say I have rotating friends syndrome. Growing up at camp meant that friends entered in for a season, you grew close, shared life and developed bonds only to watch them leave and go back to their "real life" each year.

And I did the same. I said goodbye to my school friends for the summer to focus on my camp friends and then rotated back when the leaves turned and I traded flipflops and swimming pools for desks and books.

So I've been a wide friend, but not necessarily a deep friend.

I know a lot of people and a lot of people know me, but do many know me deeply?

Friendship has always been seasonal. I'm working to break the cycle.

There's the friend who has known me since sandbox days and the only one to earn the "best friend" title. Now we live 3 states apart and talk once, maybe twice a day but when we do it's sweet. We literally pick back up where we left off and our conversations have grown deeper over the years. Our history binds us together.

College brought me deep friends. Each year we retreat and try to keep in touch in the in-between. They are my people and I don't want to rotate out.

After college friends are hard. I think it's worth it so I'm doing things and putting myself out there. Watching tv shows that may not normally be my choice, attending parties and trying activities, sending text messages, cards and offering up meals, prayers and laughs. There's risk and there may hurt, but there's also reward.

So now I'm redefining my friend-style. 

I will be DEEP, diving into the pain, the heartache, asking the questions and really listening.

I will be WIDE, inclusive of others, willing to open my arms and my heart to possibilities.

I will be SEASONAL, standing by my friends through whatever season they be journeying through and inviting them into my season.

 

Joining in on the Five Minute Friday link up with Lisa-Jo Baker and also shouting out to Katie, a great friend who has stuck by me through many seasons and has gone into the depths. Go visit her, too, would you? 

Girl's Weekend

Freshman year of college was rough for a whole host of reasons. Over the summer I spent a lot of time thinking, praying and planning changes. Sophomore year started totally differently when a new group on campus started up, Campus Crusade for Christ. I jumped right in and as they say, the rest is history! For me cru was all about people, lots of them. We had the most incredible community and 4 years later, the bonds are strong.

Last weekend I got together with my college girlfriends, 10 of them. We've made a pact, every fall we take a weekend away, whoever can and reconnect. The first year we went to Chicago, the second to Traverse City and this year to Muskegon. 

We laughed, talked, danced to 90's boy band music, ate a ton of food, walked on the beach, painted nails, shared hopes and dreams and stories of life. These girls know me, get me, love me. 

Over the years our conversations have changed slightly. Before we talked about homework and test assignments, internships, job hunts, and boyfriends. Now we still talk about boyfriends but it's also husbands, marriage, parenting, health insurance, home ownership, breast feeding, jobs and promotions.

Right before the weekend I read this post  about having wild and free relationships that speak to your soul, encourage and exhort you. That's what I want, therefore that's what I want to be.

I hope that in 20 years when we're talking about retirement, menopause, adult children and I don't even know what we'll be talking about then that our friendships are still real, strong, wild and free. It's worth it. People are worth it.

Do you have wild and free friends? How do you invest and grow together?

This Is Real Life

On our anniversary, my husband and I decided that in our second year of marriage we wanted to open our home more and to invest in community.

 So on Tuesday I called a friend and invited them over for dinner on Thursday.

 And here's the thing, I didn't change the menu. I didn't fancy it up. I didn't slave over the stove for hours and fold napkins in the shapes of swans. In fact, I even told my husband not to clean "too perfectly". You know, just normal pick up, not crazy pick up. (He looked at me like I was a little crazy.)

 Actually, I just realized I didn't even offer napkins. Oops.

 You see we've been "becoming friends" with this couple for about a year and for a while, every Monday we would go to their house and watch The Bachelorette (guilty pleasure admission) together. (Yes, even the husbands. Although they would insist they were looking at gear online, not watching.)

One week we got there and there were a few dirty dishes in the sink, papers strewn across the kitchen table and we were all wearing sweatpants and hoodies. And I realized that this was NORMAL. Their house looks like this everyday. So does mine. I felt like we'd crossed a bridge, we were REAL friends. They didn't feel like they had to clean and impress us, we could just be.

 So this week when they arrived despite my best intentions I was scrambling. You see I like to host. I'd love to someday throw Pinterest-worthy dinner parties like this Valentine fondue my hubby made. I like it when the house is picked up, the meal is beautiful and the table is set. I like to try new things and to put effort in. 

But I don't always have to. So when they walked in, the chicken was still on the stove, the noodles were boiling and the bread (which I forgot to take out of the fridge to rise) was still in the oven looking very brick-like.

 What did my friend do? She opened the door, stuck her head in, yelled hello and opened the cupboards, found glasses and started filling them with water.

 SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK.

And I had another one of those moments. I thought this is REAL, this is NORMAL.

The meal wasn't perfect, the bread didn't rise all the way and got stuck in the pan and my kitchen looked like a toddler had been cooking but we laughed. We laughed when one of us held the pan down while the other pried the bread out. We laughed when my husband picked the burned crust out of the bottom and ate it anyway. We called it a "rustic loaf".

 And it was REAL, it was NORMAL. 

 I read this article this week by one of my favorites, Shauna Niequist. (Hi Shauna! If you're ever in the market for a new BFF in Michigan I'm there. Just sayin') As I wrote this post I went through my Instagram to find a messy picture to show you. I couldn't find one. Guilty as charged. So here's my sock today- formerly stained from spilling tea and stained again today from spilling espresso. This is real life, people, stained socks and all.

As I've started this blog I thought a lot about why. Actually it's pretty embarrassing to me that people I know in real life might see it. I haven't figured it out but I've thought a lot about what my "voice is" and what I'll share. And I still don't know. But what I do know is that I want to live a real life and sometimes I want to host beautiful parties with picture perfect food and sometimes I want to say come over now. Shove that pile of paper, bills and clutter off the table and let's eat leftovers and laugh and enjoy life.

So if you come to my house, get your own glass. Open the fridge, snoop a little. Heck you can even stick your hand into a bag of chocolate chips and help yourself! 

Linking up (I think? I've never done this before!!) with aroyaldaughter.com for Desire to Inspire.